is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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