You just made me feel so damn special
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
