did you get engaged???
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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