im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
