I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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