Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
