Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And then my night got REAL pukey
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