He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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