...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
