things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
