Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I love you.
Bad choice
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
