He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
