so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
