nut hugger
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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