She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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