woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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