my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
