Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
