Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
