I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
