i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize