Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Shame is for Republicans.
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