i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
