so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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