We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize