i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
