His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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