And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
