im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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