I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
