1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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