Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Shame - the story of my life.
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