It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I died a long time ago.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
