just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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