This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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