sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
