I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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