they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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