Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
