I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
