last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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