Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
