Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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