I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
