he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
im on a boat
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