Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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