'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
