Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And then he peed in my hair
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