How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
