Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
