You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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