I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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