Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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