Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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