i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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