what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
