puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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