Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
