How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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