my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
