my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
